If your worst fear is writing the wrong thing, and then you write the wrong thing, there is much less to be afraid of. You realize the world doesn’t end. You feel terrible for a couple of days, and then you call your brother, the artist, and he says, I know what that’s like, when you’ve been working on a painting and you finally realize it’s time to stop, even though you never got it. And you call your agent, and he says, yeah, this is hard work, isn’t it?

When the worst thing has happened, there’s no more bartering, or striving, pleading or hoping. You just roll up your sleeves and start paying attention, being present, try to figure out where you are.

By quitting, I declare myself: I was not happy. That was not my world. That was not my voice. Which brings me one step closer to a world I want to write.

I don’t want to write the one perfect thing. I want to learn how to keep writing when this one isn’t working.

I read a profile in an old New York Times Magazine that cheered me, grimly: Paul Shrader, former film lion who made Taxi Driver, directing a script by former literary lion Bret Easton Ellis, starring Lindsay Lohan, we all know who that is, and the amazing thing is, they were all down and out, each of them having achieved victories that did nothing to secure their futures, every day just another day when they have to get up and prove themselves again. The story told me, in a way I found reassuring, that there is no final victory, just the next day and what you do with it. In which case victory would be the ability to embrace the next day with hope and courage, as if you hadn’t lived through all the days before.

Just finished “Wonder,” which was a marvel– a beautiful, simple story about a boy with a horrible affliction. Elephant man was that story, and Mask, which just goes to show that every story has already been told (Cyrano) and no story has ever been told (Hunchback of Notre Dame) the way you will tell it.

What made Wonder a wonder was her voice, her insights about human behavior, her humanity. And her characters, who had longings and secrets, who betrayed each other, and loved each other, who got in trouble and tried. Her voice and her characters kept me reading a familiar story as if I had never heard it before.